Sunday, August 22, 2010

A wonderfully sad day.

So as I stated before in my post, today is my daughters 11th birthday. There is so many tragic and wonderful things through out the last 11 years that has happened on this day. I would love to get some out of my head.  I figured I would put it on here, makes a wonderfully tragic story I hope.

Eleven years ago today I was in the hospital giving birth to my only wonderful child Krystn.  I had a horrible pregnancy, very sick all the time. She was two weeks late and so my doctor decided to induce my labor.  I was in labor for 56 hours.  Around midnight on the 22nd of August my nurse came in to check and see how far I was dilated and the look of shock on her face freaked me and my mom and Aunt out.  She said nothing and turned around and walked out of the room.  Within what seemed like seconds there were 10 or more people in the room with the doctor and telling me that are taking me in for an emergency c-section because the contractions reversed and she was not going to come out.  I laughed and said it was all the ice cream I ate while pregnant and my doctor chuckled and told me that it would be ok. Mind you I have been awake for about 60-65 hours straight.  He told me no matter what to not fall asleep when they did a spinal block because she her heart would go really low. They had to take me off the medication to induce the day before because her heart rate was very weak. I am not sure if any of you ever had a spinal block, but it was the most pain I have ever felt at that moment, in my entire life. While they were doing the c-section my mom was very upset and the anesthesiologist kept telling me to stay awake.  I heard the doctor say "I see a hand, I see a hand on a head" (which was very frightening because all the ultra-sounds showed her hand on her head and we joked about her hand being attached to her head). Then I heard screaming and saw the nurses rush her over to the little table. When I looked that way all I saw was toes and fingers.  They rushed her out of the room and the anesthesiologist told me to go to sleep and knocked my ass out.  I remember waking up in recovery and not being able to move.  They ended up giving me 2 spinal blocks I found out later. I didn't even see my childs face until around 7am, I gave birth to her at 3:13am.  My entire family held her before me, and even after I was moved to my room I was still numb so my mom had to help me hold her. She was amazing! She was my Krystn.  I was very sick and had to spend 5 days in the hospital.

So that was the start of Krystn's life.  She was born 3hours and 13 minutes after my mothers birthday.  My mom says that she did it on propose to have her own birthday. I agree. Every birthday Krystn and my mom have spent their birthdays together. Every one, except this year.  Mostly her birthdays consisted of a family party and watching movies.  This changed three years ago.

The most important person in my life besides Krystn passed away three years ago today. My grandmother passed away on Krystn's birthday 3 years ago.  My life crumbled before my eyes, and all I could do was stand there and take it.  I was my grandma's favorite, and it was not hidden.  I saw my family members do some things that she NEVER would of approved of, and could not do anything about it.  I think that my grandma picked Krystn's birthday so I wouldn't be so sad every year when it came around.  I miss her every day.

Anyways, every year for three years we let go of balloons in memory of her. We let them go about a hour ago and watched them fly into the night.  I hope where ever she is, she is no longer in pain and sick.  I know I will see her again, and it will be ok.

So here is to my wonderful Grandmother: Dorthy Elenore Higgins
And my wonderful daughter: Krystn

You two are the shining stars in my life and no matter what, I will always love you!

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