Big sister

So on September 20th, we found out that we were pregnant. Very unexpected! We are excited, but very nervous. I did not have a very good pregnancy or delivery with Krystn. The doctors told me that I would probably never be able to carry a baby full term again. Anyways, we were in and out of doctor offices all week, and we will be sent to a severely high risk pregnancy group at Fresno Community Hospital. I guess it is a whole group of doctors to help us through this.

So we told Krystn yesterday morning. She cried and goes, "I have always wanted a brother or sister!" It was awsome. She is so excited! She said that she is gonna teach him how to color. Everyone thinks it is a boy, including me. If it is a girl, that is ok to, she will be name after my grandmother.

Anyways, so good news! I just hope everything goes good.

Birthday Parties

So, I believe that kids birthday parties are COMPLETELY over rated. Every birthday since Krystn was born has been spent with the family. This year was the first that she didn't get to have a party with family there. We live about 1000 miles from all of my family, and Tom's family never wants to be apart of anything to do with me and Krystn. So this year we decided that we would throw her a "Twilight" themed birthday party at the park. The cupcakes were a hit! White cake with raspberry filling.

We got Twilight decorations, invitations, even a cardboard "standee" of Jacob. We invited the kids at summer school and the ones at her regular school. We had a couple of parents RSVP (like 5). Most of mine and Tom's friends have no kids, so we were hoping for more kids. However, we knew that as long as Steven, her best friend, showed up, it didn't matter if there was anyone else there.

She did end up have like 5 kids come, and about 15 or so adults. She got some wonderful presents and had fun playing. She was very happy and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. Here is the best picture of the night. It is Krystn, Jacob and Nickie. Nickie states that this is her lover, just to not tell her husband! HA

A wonderfully sad day.

So as I stated before in my post, today is my daughters 11th birthday. There is so many tragic and wonderful things through out the last 11 years that has happened on this day. I would love to get some out of my head.  I figured I would put it on here, makes a wonderfully tragic story I hope.

Eleven years ago today I was in the hospital giving birth to my only wonderful child Krystn.  I had a horrible pregnancy, very sick all the time. She was two weeks late and so my doctor decided to induce my labor.  I was in labor for 56 hours.  Around midnight on the 22nd of August my nurse came in to check and see how far I was dilated and the look of shock on her face freaked me and my mom and Aunt out.  She said nothing and turned around and walked out of the room.  Within what seemed like seconds there were 10 or more people in the room with the doctor and telling me that are taking me in for an emergency c-section because the contractions reversed and she was not going to come out.  I laughed and said it was all the ice cream I ate while pregnant and my doctor chuckled and told me that it would be ok. Mind you I have been awake for about 60-65 hours straight.  He told me no matter what to not fall asleep when they did a spinal block because she her heart would go really low. They had to take me off the medication to induce the day before because her heart rate was very weak. I am not sure if any of you ever had a spinal block, but it was the most pain I have ever felt at that moment, in my entire life. While they were doing the c-section my mom was very upset and the anesthesiologist kept telling me to stay awake.  I heard the doctor say "I see a hand, I see a hand on a head" (which was very frightening because all the ultra-sounds showed her hand on her head and we joked about her hand being attached to her head). Then I heard screaming and saw the nurses rush her over to the little table. When I looked that way all I saw was toes and fingers.  They rushed her out of the room and the anesthesiologist told me to go to sleep and knocked my ass out.  I remember waking up in recovery and not being able to move.  They ended up giving me 2 spinal blocks I found out later. I didn't even see my childs face until around 7am, I gave birth to her at 3:13am.  My entire family held her before me, and even after I was moved to my room I was still numb so my mom had to help me hold her. She was amazing! She was my Krystn.  I was very sick and had to spend 5 days in the hospital.

So that was the start of Krystn's life.  She was born 3hours and 13 minutes after my mothers birthday.  My mom says that she did it on propose to have her own birthday. I agree. Every birthday Krystn and my mom have spent their birthdays together. Every one, except this year.  Mostly her birthdays consisted of a family party and watching movies.  This changed three years ago.

The most important person in my life besides Krystn passed away three years ago today. My grandmother passed away on Krystn's birthday 3 years ago.  My life crumbled before my eyes, and all I could do was stand there and take it.  I was my grandma's favorite, and it was not hidden.  I saw my family members do some things that she NEVER would of approved of, and could not do anything about it.  I think that my grandma picked Krystn's birthday so I wouldn't be so sad every year when it came around.  I miss her every day.

Anyways, every year for three years we let go of balloons in memory of her. We let them go about a hour ago and watched them fly into the night.  I hope where ever she is, she is no longer in pain and sick.  I know I will see her again, and it will be ok.

So here is to my wonderful Grandmother: Dorthy Elenore Higgins
And my wonderful daughter: Krystn

You two are the shining stars in my life and no matter what, I will always love you!

Birthday #11

I can not believe my little girl is 11 years old today! I just keep thinking about how she was when she was a little tike.  See, with Krystn her birthday starts about two months before her actual birthday. Then beginning of summer she usually starts in on "On my birthday" or "I want this for my birthday" and drive us crazy!  This year she picked having a party over a new Nintendo DS, she calls it a "entendo DS".  So next weekend we are having a birthday party for her.

So all of her presents were ordered online this year and came in boxes.  So she had a stack of boxes and was very excited! She was so happy pulling the bubble wrap out and popping it she forgot to pull one of her presents out of the box.  Seeing how she reacts with boxes and bubble wrap, I will never use wrapping paper again! She has always gotten frustrated with the mess of wrapping paper, or she loves the color or whatever and doesn't want to rip it. Then she gets irritated and frustrated and yelling could insue. So instead of all of that, boxes and bubble wrap all the way.

Now off to make she breakfast and get ready for the day!

Webkinz World Of Animals

So I have not written in awhile. It has been alittle nuts this summer. We have had a bunch of fun. Krystn did summer school and now has two weeks off before regular school.  I feel guilty sometimes that she has school so much, but I know if she didn't, she would forget alot of what she learned.

Most of our summer as been spent in the pool.  With temperatures over 100 for weeks on end, it has been a wonderful thing. Her favorite past time is the pool.  She has had her best friend Steven over as well, and those two are like a married couple.  Steven is the same age as her and act alot alike. They have tons of fun together, as long as they are constantly busy. They calm down and they fight...lol.

Well, I just love this picture of her.... She made a picnic with all her webkinz.  She loves her webkinz, it is cute.  I believe we have about 20+ between me and her. She is somewhere around 15 that she has.  She makes paper cloths for them and everything. 

If you do not know what webkinz are you should check them out: www.webkinz.com

They are a great educational tool and fun at the same time. We have been collecting for about two years now, and even my mom collects (I believe she was the one that got us into them). They sell them at many stores. We go to the same store in Clovis, CA called 'Bears, Dolls and More' in downtown Clovis.  The owner is a wonderful woman who is so warm and inviting.  Even on Krystn's off days, if we go in she just talks to her about all the webkinz.  She knows us very well!

Anyways, that is enough for today!

So upset I could runaway!

I am trying to calm down as I write but I am very upset. Sometimes I come to my wits end and then after many deep breaths, maybe a walk around the block, sometimes a glass of wine and yelling into a pillow, I do calm down. Usually it is about very stupid things, like right now. Krystn thought it would be "easier" to tie ribbon onto her ceiling fan and light cords. Not that big of a deal right? Well, she didn't tie two strings, she tied one string (in this weird, crazy tie..knot...thing), one end to one cord, other end to other cord. So when she pulls on it it will both turn off/on light and change the speed of the fan. Now mind you, she did this while I was at class last night, and she said she asked dad and he was fine with it (I am sure it was because he was playing Madden or watching American Idol). So anyways, I went in and told her to untie them and clean up he room so I could come in and vacuum. She got upset I wanted her to clean her room, yanked the string and now the cord will not turn on or off the light. Yeah now I think about it, it is not that big of a deal. Just call maintenance and they will come fix it. However, what if we have to provide a new fan/light. Ugg! Today I will practice staying away from situations that are going to get me in trouble, like yelling at Krystn. She doesn't need to be yelled at....ok well sometimes she does...

Horse Riding Lessons

http://www.rickkelleyperformancehorses.com/ So, it has been a awfully long time sense writing. Our lives have gone through a huge change in the last couple of months. However, the change is a change that we have rolled with. So today was Krystn's introduction to horse riding lessons. The place we are taking her is Rick Kelly Preformace Horses here in Clovis. Claudia, who is the trainer, is wonderful! She took us around and we got to see everything. It took me back to my childhood. Krystn is very excited about this. We bought her new boots and a riding helmet. She has been wearing both since this afternoon when we walked out of the store. I am sure she will try to sleep in both. She jumped a bit when the horses neahed. And one of the horses scared her when they were unloading it from the trailer. She did her normal hands over ears and bouncing. She was very scared at first petting them (she tried to hide behind me at first), but I just helped her over come it. Once she saw that I could pet the face and it didn't eat me, she was ready to try. Then she got excited and wouldn't be quite. She kept asking the same questions over and over, "Do they bite?" "What if they step on me?" "Can I ride one yet?" Claudia was VERY patient. She stated on the phone she has worked with developmentally disabled children before. But, lets face it, no one has ever met anyone like my gabber jaws. Claudia told me the difference between European and Western riding, and how the first couple of classes are all about saftey. I told her she will work on that with Krystn forever!! HA We got to see some trainers having lessons with European group on jumping. They were training the horses to jump the fence. It was neat. Anyways, I really hope this is something that will help her learn to control herself more. I cannot wait. Here is a picture of her new riding helmet. She tried to wear it to bed...lol...